A Seven and a Half Month Review of the Year

Copied from an athletes page, just for fun!

Dear Diary 2020 Edition,
In โ„๏ธ January, ๐Ÿ”ฅ Australia caught on fire. I donโ€™t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท . We might actually still be almost at war with them ๐Ÿค”. I donโ€™t know, because ๐Ÿ‘ฉ Jen Aniston and ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards ๐Ÿ†show and everyone flipped the crap out ๐Ÿ˜ฒ, but then there was this thing happening in ๐Ÿฆ‡ ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ China, then ๐Ÿ‘‘ Prince Harry and Meghan โœŒ๐Ÿผ peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€โš–๏ธ , and then corona virus ๐Ÿฆ  showed up in the US โœ”๏ธโ€œofficially,โ€ but then ๐Ÿ€Kobe died ๐Ÿ˜ญand UK ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง peaced out of the European Union.

In February, ๐ŸŒฝ Iowa crapped ๐Ÿ’ฉ itself with the caucus results and the president was acquitted and the ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿผโ€๐Ÿ’ผSpeaker of the House took ten. Whole. years. to rip up a speech , but then The๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ”ฌ ๐ŸŒŽWHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which confused ๐Ÿค”some really important people ๐Ÿ‘” in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€โš–๏ธ, and ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ Americans started asking if Corona beer ๐Ÿบ was safe to drink๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor ๐Ÿ‘จโ€โš•๏ธ who just knew the ๐Ÿค’flu like killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.

In March, stuff hit the fan๐Ÿ‘ฟ. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust ๐Ÿ’ฅ, but then Italy ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น shut its whole country down ๐Ÿšท, and then COVID Not 1 through 18 officially become what everyone already realized, a ๐Ÿ˜ฑpandemic and then a nationwide state of emergency ๐Ÿ†˜was declared in US ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ , but it didnโ€™t really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it was still just a flu ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ, but then COVID Not 18 was like yaโ€™ll not taking me seriously? ๐Ÿ’ก Iโ€™m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally infected Tom Hanks๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿป, get yโ€™all to close all of the schools so yโ€™all can ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ appreciate teachers ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿซ for once (because you canโ€™t teach them anything other than how to use a touch screen๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ ) close down all of salons so you canโ€™t get your ๐Ÿ’‡โ€โ™‚๏ธ hair or your nails done๐Ÿ’… , everyone had to work from home and attend Zoom meetings in their underwear. The ๐Ÿ“‰ DOW took a crap ๐Ÿ’ฉ on itself, and most of us still donโ€™t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing ๐Ÿค” (I still donโ€™t), We were then all introduced to ๐Ÿ… Tiger King and the ONE thing we can all agree on this year , ๐Ÿ‘๐ŸผCarol totally killed her husbandโšฐ๏ธ ….. whacked him! And then Netflix was like youโ€™re welcome, and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross and were all searching for lotion now.

In ๐ŸŒง April, Bernie finally bustedโœŒ๐Ÿผ himself out of the presidential race ๐Ÿƒ, but then NYC ๐Ÿ—ฝbecame the set of The Walking Dead ๐Ÿ’€ and we learned that no one has face masks ๐Ÿ˜ท, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID , and by now our ๐Ÿฆoutgrowth is showing, so thereโ€™s a shortage on ๐Ÿ“ฆ box hair dye and all of our hair dressers are like , ๐Ÿ˜ฑ NO DONT DO IT!!! But, then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life โ€ฆ or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released ๐ŸŽฅ videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, itโ€™s only Aprilโ€ฆ.

In ๐Ÿ’ May, the biblical end times kicked off , historical locust swarms, we learned of murder hornets ๐Ÿ and realized that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games๐Ÿ™ˆ however people forgot to let us know. people legit started to protest lockdown measures with ๐Ÿ”ซ AR-15s, ๐Ÿ€โšพ๏ธsports events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were ๐Ÿ—ฃprotests in every city๐ŸŒƒ ,which was confusing to some of us because people were definitely gathering in ๐Ÿ‘ซcrowds of more than ๐Ÿ–๐Ÿผ๐Ÿคš๐Ÿผ10 and for sure closer than 6 foot away โฌ…๏ธโžก๏ธfrom each other . Those people must have forgotten about the ๐Ÿ˜–pandemic called COVID Not One Through 18. Media ๐Ÿ“บ ๐Ÿ—ž struggled with how to ๐Ÿคฌfocus on two important things at once, people in general struggle to focus on more than one important thing. A dead whale ๐Ÿ‹ was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest ๐ŸŒณ after monkeys ๐Ÿ’ stole COVID 1 Through 19 from a lab ๐Ÿ”ฌ and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid โ˜„๏ธ narrowly missed the Earth๐ŸŒ.

In โ˜€๏ธ June, common sense just got thrown ๐Ÿคพ๐Ÿผ straight out the window and somehow ๐Ÿ˜ท wearing masks became a ๐Ÿ›political thing, but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, then ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ”ฌscientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like ๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿฝโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸšงDONโ€™T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind ๐Ÿ’จ was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange ๐Ÿ›ฐradio signal coming from somewhere in the universe ๐ŸŒŒ that repeats itself every so many days ๐Ÿ—“ , and everyone was like ๐Ÿ‘ฝ DONโ€™T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH ITโ€ผ๏ธ๐Ÿšซ but then America reopened ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿผfrom the shut down that actually wasnโ€™t even a shut down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly …. not that great ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿผ. All of the Karenโ€™s came out at once, and people started tearing down ๐Ÿ”จ statues. Everyone is on Facebook arguing ๐Ÿคผโ€โ™€๏ธ about masks ๐Ÿ‘ƒ๐Ÿผ, but then Florida ๐Ÿ– was like hold my beer ๐Ÿบ and let me show you how weโ€™re number one ๐Ÿฅ‡ in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Coronavirus. Then we learned there was a massive dust cloud โ˜๏ธ coming straight at us ๐Ÿ“from the Sahara Desert ๐Ÿซ , which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the ๐Ÿ‘ป ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud. We then ๐Ÿ“š learned of meth-gators ๐ŸŠ , and I’m like that is so not on my flipping 2020 Bingo card ๐Ÿ˜ก can we use it as the free space?? ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿป Then we learned that the Congo’s worst ever Ebola ๐Ÿšจ outbreak is over ๐Ÿ˜“, and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that was the worse ever? ๐Ÿ‘€ ……. and donโ€™t forget we just discovered FLYING SNAKES! ๐Ÿ, seriously! FLYING SNAKES!!!!

So here comes Julyโ€ฆ. at this point we are over it , just tell us whatโ€™s next …. ๐Ÿ‘ฝ Aliens? ๐Ÿ”ฑZeus? โ˜„๏ธ Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self aware? Can it just be something cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž or fun for once? Maybe even a good laugh , like hahaha ๐Ÿ˜‚ April Fools! We all actually wouldnโ€™t mind that joke at this point.

Also, why didn’t I know about the whale in the Amazon? Or a few other things because I just canโ€™t keep up anymore!